Chaucito a Chilito

We started off our time here marking off every Wednesday. I arrived Wednesday, February 17, and after that every Wednesday someone would usually take note and say, "Hey, we've been here __ weeks." The first week I remember thinking I had learned more in a week than in a month at home. I remember thinking how much had changed in just a short week. We stopped keeping track after about a month, and then time took off running and now I find myself attending goodbye dinners and taking final exams. It's been something like 18 or 19 weeks, but we stopped keeping track long ago. I have 16 days left in South America and only 9 in Santiago. The picture below is the view I see of the mountains every morning when I step out of my front door-breathtaking! How could I leave?!



The combination of finals week stress and the emotional stress of leaving my home is wiping me out (although-surprise, Chilean school has finals for two weeks!). I cry at the drop of a hat, and have spent a lot of time trying to put my finger on what it is that makes leaving so emotional. I knew this day would come didn't I? And how could I have made such strong relationships in five fast months?

The truth is that studying in a foreign country changes you. It changes the way you see the world, but even more profound than that, it changes the way you see yourself. I told my friend Meagan today that I think I'm having an identity crisis. I have learned, grown, and changed so much over the last five months. I am sad to leave Santiago because it is my home! I have created a life for myself here: I go to school, have a house, a family, a boyfriend, friends, a routine, etc. Switching schools is hard, or leaving friends is hard, but I am leaving my whole life. Granted, it is a new life, but my life all the same.

Also, I am going back to a life that is familiar but foreign. I have realized that the reason the frienships I have made here are so strong is because we went through a really tough and intense experience together, and that has bonded us so closely faster than I can believe. I am going back to you guys, to friends and family that know me very well, and on one level I am excited. At the same time though, I feel like I am going back to friends and family that have an incomplete understanding of who I am. My heart has a little Chilean part to it now, and it makes me scared to think that no one will understand that part of me.

Te quiero Chilito: The Chilean flag waving proudly as we crossed the border back into Chile from Argentina.



Bueno, maybe this all sounds dramatic. A few years ago, I realized the following: You are alone in your head your whole life. That is not supposed to be as depressing as it sounds. I'm not sure what caused it to dawn on me, but at some point I saw this so clearly. I think when I was little I used to think I would meet my future husband, and he would know just everything about me. He would always understand what I was feeling, and there would be no part of me that he wouldn't know. I think as people we all really yearn for that--to be truly and deeply known (something that makes being truly known by God so rich, no?). Anyway, I realize now that even my closest family and friends will never be able to completely know and understand every part of who I am. So I guess it's like that for everyone in some dimension, my emotions are just heightened because Chile is a part of me that rushed into my life all at once and will end all at once too.

Anyway, I will be wrapping up this chapter of my life pretty quickly here. I am now done with going to classes, and have to write 2 papers for Wednesday and then I am DONE! I can see the end of the tunnel now, and as far as classes go that feels good! We joke here that taking classes in English next fall is going to be super easy compared to the experience of the last semester. My friend Justin said something along the lines of "I can't imagine walking out of class and having understood everything the prof said, or getting a syllabus and not having to translate parts of it!" Bascially its going to be awesome.

After I hand in those papers on Wednesday (one has to be 15 pages single spaced, and the other 5--all in Spanish of course!), I am heading to PERU early Thursday morning to see Machu Picchu and make sure I come home completely broke instad of just almost broke. After returning from Peru on July 8, I have just six short days to soak as much Santiago into my skin before flying home. I want you all to know I love you (even if you will never fully understand my Santiaguino side), and hope this blog hasn't left anybody doubting my love for the good 'ole US of A. I've just gotta lotta conflicting emotions bopping around in myself!

Be well,
Amy

P.S. Who scheduled the World Cup for finals week(s)?!?! I LOVE living in a country where people care about soccer. It's been so fun and I'm really getting into it. Unfortunately the USA was disqualified, but tomorrow CHILE plays Brasil. Its going to be rough...but all of Santiago comes even more alive and takes to the streets when Chile plays, so I'll be face-painted and rioting with the best of 'em. Here are a few pics from the last game. There are huge screens set up all over the city, and people stand and watch together. The energy in the crowd is amazing!

Watching in front of the "White House" of Chile, La Moneda:



Gringos show their Roja pride: