I have officially been here in Chile almost five weeks now-hard to believe a month has already passed! Many things have gotten much easier for me in the past month, like speaking Spanish, finding my way around the city, and interacting with my host family. I think my up-tight personality has been really stretched and changed by living in a country where, "Time is free" instead of in one where, "Time is money." I think that's why I love travel so much--it stretches me to understand the way others think and forces me to find a new, more flexible, status quo.
However, some things have gotten harder with time. Right now I am struggling with my spiritual life. I still haven't found a church or Bible study group that I like, and honestly haven't been looking too hard because I am so socially exhausted all the time from trying to make Chilean friends that I never have energy for anything extra. I have been told that being away from a church group that always encourages me will be really good for my faith, that it is important to learn to grow in the Lord without others influencing you and constantly providing you with ready-made devotionals and sermons. However, I'm not really sure I know how to go it alone with God--isn't that sad?
In the past I have found it easy for my travels to become spiritual break times. I'm sure everone has experienced this before. Even if you're in a good routine of spending time in the Bible, its easy to let that slide when your routine is changed. Now that I've found my cultural feet I feel its past time for me to be settling into a rhythm with God. But where is he? I can't seem to find him! I ask him to keep me safe when I'm lost on a bus on the wrong side of town, I thank him for Andes mountain vistas, but where is my God, my friend, my rock? I'm going it alone with God down here, but at the moment it feels more like just going it alone.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Friday, March 12, 2010
All This, Every Day
In her book Hard Laugher, Anne Lamott writes that a friend of hers wrote a poem called All This, Every Day, and that she thinks that is the finest mantra. This morning I woke up filled with grattitude and thought just that--I have all this, every day! I have warm sun on my skin, a bustling city, poetic music, mountains out the bus window, health, friends, an insane but endearing family, and plums. Fresh, sweet, dripping down your chin plums.
Of course, I also have other things every day, like earthquake aftershocks, an hour and 15 minute long commute, pimples, language barriers, and loneliness. But when I am 80 and my eyes don't work quite right and my butt is saggy and I look back on my life, I know I won't remember sometimes being lonely in Santiago or frustrated by a long commute to school. I will remember that when I was twenty, I did the scary but hard thing and moved to a different country for 5 months. And I don't think I will have regrets, because I am truly thankful for my life as it is happening, and I realize what a gift I've been given.
Now, I'm not going to start singing Raindrops on Roses or anything, but if you haven't felt deep, true thankfulness recently (or ever), I invite you to make that a prayer request. I believe God enjoys blessing us with the realization of his blessing and grace in our lives, and when you ask him for a spirit of thankfulness he delights in giving it to you.
After a terrible, horrible, frustrating week trying to register for my classes and find my way around a foreign university of 40,000 students, God blessed me with a day full of grace. On Thursday I was finally able to register for the classes I needed, find the photocopy place for my textbooks (long story), and find space for a little bit of free time. Earlier in the week I had broken down into tears several times, both times in public with very underprepared male friends. Poor guys. I was frustrated and overwhlemed by trying to get things done in a culture where offices close whenever they please and the natives are unwilling to help a foreigner stumbing her way through the first week of classes. Gracias a Dios, I was blessed with a day of breath, rest, and grace when I needed it most.
Tomorrow I am getting up early to go to Cajon de Maipo, about an hour and a half from Santiago. Some friends and I are going to get out of the city and spend the day ziplining and trekking the foothills of the Andes.
All this, every day!!
Of course, I also have other things every day, like earthquake aftershocks, an hour and 15 minute long commute, pimples, language barriers, and loneliness. But when I am 80 and my eyes don't work quite right and my butt is saggy and I look back on my life, I know I won't remember sometimes being lonely in Santiago or frustrated by a long commute to school. I will remember that when I was twenty, I did the scary but hard thing and moved to a different country for 5 months. And I don't think I will have regrets, because I am truly thankful for my life as it is happening, and I realize what a gift I've been given.
Now, I'm not going to start singing Raindrops on Roses or anything, but if you haven't felt deep, true thankfulness recently (or ever), I invite you to make that a prayer request. I believe God enjoys blessing us with the realization of his blessing and grace in our lives, and when you ask him for a spirit of thankfulness he delights in giving it to you.
After a terrible, horrible, frustrating week trying to register for my classes and find my way around a foreign university of 40,000 students, God blessed me with a day full of grace. On Thursday I was finally able to register for the classes I needed, find the photocopy place for my textbooks (long story), and find space for a little bit of free time. Earlier in the week I had broken down into tears several times, both times in public with very underprepared male friends. Poor guys. I was frustrated and overwhlemed by trying to get things done in a culture where offices close whenever they please and the natives are unwilling to help a foreigner stumbing her way through the first week of classes. Gracias a Dios, I was blessed with a day of breath, rest, and grace when I needed it most.
Tomorrow I am getting up early to go to Cajon de Maipo, about an hour and a half from Santiago. Some friends and I are going to get out of the city and spend the day ziplining and trekking the foothills of the Andes.
All this, every day!!
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Santiago: Earthquake Diaries
It's been a week since the devastating 8.8 earthquake here in Chile. Obviously life here has been chaotic, I didn't have internet working until Thursday and so have been unable to update all of my faithful blog followers :)
Chile is a country that is hurting, but it is amazing to see how people have come together to support one another during this crisis. Saturday after the metaphorical smoke had cleared I knew I should get my own earthquake story on paper (while it was all so fresh in my mind), so I began writing blog posts in Microsoft Word to be published when the internet came back up. So here it is:
Saturday, Feb. 28 12:30p.m.
Well, for a minute there I thought the terrorists had won. Last night I was awakened around 3:35 a.m. by an earthquake that shook the house for almost three minutes. Currently the news is saying it was an 8 on the Richter scale. It’s a horrible feeling to wake up scared, and clouded by sleep I sat in bed for a few seconds paralyzed by fear before I gathered my senses and moved to the doorway of my room. My host mom yelled for me to join her in the kitchen, where she and I and the two dogs rode out the rest of the earthquake in the patio doorway.
After the earthquake passed, waves continued to lapse out of our pool for about 5 minutes. Broken glass littered the floor. The sliding glass doors from my room to the patio had been locked and shut, and were now completely open. Power, internet, and telephone service was cut off. According to the news the death toll is at 122. I think we live our everyday lives with a sense of safety and comfort, always knowing that we are never truly safe in this world, but never truly understanding our helplessness. As the earth shook beneath me, I was terrifyingly aware of my complete vulnerability.
9:52p.m.
I guess I’m not quite sure what to do with this newfound understanding of my powerlessness. I must admit that I am wavering between praising God and questioning him. With the current death toll at 214, I have a hard time marveling at the greatness of God amid my relative inconsequence. I am feeling small and powerlessness, and I suppose that’s appropriate since that’s exactly what I am. I guess that is what makes God great. My life is a drop in the ocean of time, and while my emotions feel to me of great importance, why should God care about them? Yet our great God cares, and he is here with us amid all the destruction and death.
It is hard to be isolated here in a time of crisis. The phones and internet are still out, and so I have been unable to alert my family in the States of my safety, talk with my fellow students here in Chile and make sure they are all okay, or hear the outside world’s reaction to this tragedy. It would be so comforting to me to be able to talk with my parents! Our only connection with the world is the TV, and we have been watching the death toll rise all day. The president, Michelle Bachelet addressed the nation about an hour ago, and apparently this earthquake was the 5th strongest ever recorded in the world—stronger even than Haiti! We have been feeling after-tremors all day, and it has been extremely emotionally draining to face such a fearful event without the support of anyone who knows me or speaks my language.
The current public announcement is that we are not to leave our houses until Wednesday, because the roads are cracked and impassable and all of the city buildings need to be tested to ensure that they are not structurally dangerous. This is lonely and boring, especially without internet or phone communication. However, thanks to God we now have power. University classes were supposed to start Monday, and school opening dates have been postponed for at least the next week. Please pray for strength for me and for the people of Chile.
The photo below is of a church that was badly damaged:
and the Museum of Bellas Artes:
Now I'm back to writing in the present moment. I am so thankful for the outpouring of concern and prayers from those of you in the States. It has been a huge blessing to realize that you all care so much! Classes at La Católica, the private school, begin on Monday, but the University of Chile sustained some major damages and classes there don't start until the following Monday. Because they have had to delay classes at the U of Chile, they won't end until July 30, and I am set to return the 14th! Sadly, this means that I won't be able to take classes at the U of Chile. However, I am trusting God that this is what's best for me.
The classes I'm planning on taking are as follows:
Chilean Poetry at the End of the Century- my attempt at getting Spanish Lit credit without having to read Don Quijote
Woman and Society in Chile- YAY
Spanish for Foreigners- snoozefest
Armed Conflict and Humanitarian Work
And guess what? I don't have any classes on Fridays! I am super nervous for the start of classes but I'm sure it will be fine. I'm just taking it one step at a time.
Chile is a country that is hurting, but it is amazing to see how people have come together to support one another during this crisis. Saturday after the metaphorical smoke had cleared I knew I should get my own earthquake story on paper (while it was all so fresh in my mind), so I began writing blog posts in Microsoft Word to be published when the internet came back up. So here it is:
Saturday, Feb. 28 12:30p.m.
Well, for a minute there I thought the terrorists had won. Last night I was awakened around 3:35 a.m. by an earthquake that shook the house for almost three minutes. Currently the news is saying it was an 8 on the Richter scale. It’s a horrible feeling to wake up scared, and clouded by sleep I sat in bed for a few seconds paralyzed by fear before I gathered my senses and moved to the doorway of my room. My host mom yelled for me to join her in the kitchen, where she and I and the two dogs rode out the rest of the earthquake in the patio doorway.
After the earthquake passed, waves continued to lapse out of our pool for about 5 minutes. Broken glass littered the floor. The sliding glass doors from my room to the patio had been locked and shut, and were now completely open. Power, internet, and telephone service was cut off. According to the news the death toll is at 122. I think we live our everyday lives with a sense of safety and comfort, always knowing that we are never truly safe in this world, but never truly understanding our helplessness. As the earth shook beneath me, I was terrifyingly aware of my complete vulnerability.
9:52p.m.
I guess I’m not quite sure what to do with this newfound understanding of my powerlessness. I must admit that I am wavering between praising God and questioning him. With the current death toll at 214, I have a hard time marveling at the greatness of God amid my relative inconsequence. I am feeling small and powerlessness, and I suppose that’s appropriate since that’s exactly what I am. I guess that is what makes God great. My life is a drop in the ocean of time, and while my emotions feel to me of great importance, why should God care about them? Yet our great God cares, and he is here with us amid all the destruction and death.
It is hard to be isolated here in a time of crisis. The phones and internet are still out, and so I have been unable to alert my family in the States of my safety, talk with my fellow students here in Chile and make sure they are all okay, or hear the outside world’s reaction to this tragedy. It would be so comforting to me to be able to talk with my parents! Our only connection with the world is the TV, and we have been watching the death toll rise all day. The president, Michelle Bachelet addressed the nation about an hour ago, and apparently this earthquake was the 5th strongest ever recorded in the world—stronger even than Haiti! We have been feeling after-tremors all day, and it has been extremely emotionally draining to face such a fearful event without the support of anyone who knows me or speaks my language.
The current public announcement is that we are not to leave our houses until Wednesday, because the roads are cracked and impassable and all of the city buildings need to be tested to ensure that they are not structurally dangerous. This is lonely and boring, especially without internet or phone communication. However, thanks to God we now have power. University classes were supposed to start Monday, and school opening dates have been postponed for at least the next week. Please pray for strength for me and for the people of Chile.
The photo below is of a church that was badly damaged:
and the Museum of Bellas Artes:
Now I'm back to writing in the present moment. I am so thankful for the outpouring of concern and prayers from those of you in the States. It has been a huge blessing to realize that you all care so much! Classes at La Católica, the private school, begin on Monday, but the University of Chile sustained some major damages and classes there don't start until the following Monday. Because they have had to delay classes at the U of Chile, they won't end until July 30, and I am set to return the 14th! Sadly, this means that I won't be able to take classes at the U of Chile. However, I am trusting God that this is what's best for me.
The classes I'm planning on taking are as follows:
Chilean Poetry at the End of the Century- my attempt at getting Spanish Lit credit without having to read Don Quijote
Woman and Society in Chile- YAY
Spanish for Foreigners- snoozefest
Armed Conflict and Humanitarian Work
And guess what? I don't have any classes on Fridays! I am super nervous for the start of classes but I'm sure it will be fine. I'm just taking it one step at a time.
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